7 Things You Should Never Say to a Child (+ Printable Poster)

Have you ever said something to your child and instantly regretted it?
Parenting is full of moments where emotions run high. Sometimes, words slip out before we’ve had a chance to think about their impact. We’re only human. But the words we use with our kids matter, a lot more than we might realize.
As a mom of two young girls, I’ve had, and still have, my fair share of challenging moments.
I know how hard it can be to stay calm when you’re tired, frustrated, or overwhelmed. If you think you have used these phrases often, remember not to feel bad about what you did.
This is not about shaming or guilt. It is about helping all of us, myself included, be more mindful about how we communicate with our kids.
Here are seven important phrases we should avoid and what we can say instead.
Table of Contents
7 Things You Should Never Say to a Child
1. “Why can’t you be more like [sibling/friend]?”
Comparisons might seem harmless, but they can hurt deeply. It can cut deep.
When children are compared to others, they might feel like they’re not good enough or that your love is conditional.
Children want to feel loved and valued for who they are, not who they’re not.
This can also create unnecessary rivalry between siblings or peers. Children internalize comparisons, often leading to feelings of inadequacy or resentment toward the person they’re compared to.
How to approach this instead?
- Highlight their strengths. “I love how creative you are when you draw. Let’s work on improving [area for growth].”
- Focus on individuality. “Everyone is good at different things. You’re amazing at [their skill], and your sibling/friend is good at [their skill].”
These helps them grow without making them feel like they’re in competition with someone else.
2. “You’re being so bad!”
Labeling a child as “bad” gives them the idea that they’re not good enough. They may start to believe that’s who they are.
Over time, this can impact their behavior and self-esteem. Eventually, it becomes harder for them to feel capable of making positive choices.
It ties their identity to their behavior and makes kids feel like they are the problem instead of their actions.
How to approach this instead?
- Focus on the behavior: “Throwing toys isn’t safe. Let’s find another way to express how you’re feeling.”
- Offer a chance to improve: “That wasn’t a kind choice. What can we do differently next time?”
This way, you separate the behavior from their character. You reinforce that mistakes don’t define them and encourage accountability.
3. “Stop crying. It’s not a big deal.”
I know, it is tempting to say this when we’re in a rush or the tears feel overwhelming. But to your child, their feelings are a big deal.
Yes, dismissing tears might seem like a quick fix, but it can teach kids to suppress emotions.
I remember the day when my kid’s favorite crayon broke. Tears started flowing down her face. I tried to be the calm mom and was trying to calm her down.
At last, my calmness broke. I simply told her, “It’s just a crayon. Stop crying, it’s not a big deal.”
In my mind, it was JUST a small crayon – broke or not, it colors well.
But to them, that crayon might feel irreplaceable, like they’ve lost a cherished friend.
With these words, may think that you do not value their feelings. Eventually, they may start to suppress their emotions. Over time, this can lead to difficulty managing emotions and a fear of expressing vulnerability.
So, here what the child needs now is someone to acknowledge their feelings and show them their emotions are valid, no matter how small the issue may seem to us.
How to approach this instead?
- Validate their feelings: “I see you’re upset. It’s okay to feel sad.”
- Offer comfort and problem-solving: “I know you’re sad about the broken toy. Let’s talk about how we can fix it.”
Here, you create a safe space for your child to express emotions and help them learn to navigate their feelings constructively.
4. “Hurry up! You’re so slow.”
I’ll admit, I’ve said this more times than I care to admit.
Mornings can be chaotic, and patience runs thin. But rushing kids doesn’t help. It is of course the easier thing to do.
But the truth is it often makes them slower or more anxious.
Even worse, when they repeatedly hear this, they start to feel they are never good enough. This seriously affects self esteem.
How to approach this instead?
- Turn it into a game: “Let’s see how quickly we can put on your shoes—ready, set, go!”
- Use encouragement: “You’re doing great! Let’s try to speed up just a little.”
These phrases may lift the pressure on them and focus on what needs to be done.
5. “You’re fine. Stop overreacting.”
Some things that our kids do may feel overdramatic for us. But, for them, it is a real emotion.
It might make sense to us to dismiss such silly emotions. But it can feel dismissive to them. It teaches children to question their emotions instead of understanding them.
How to approach this instead?
- Acknowledge their perspective: “I know this feels hard for you right now.”
- Offer a coping strategy: “Let’s take a deep breath together and talk about what happened.”
Doing this, you help your child feel heard and supported while equipping them with tools to handle big emotions.
6. “Because I said so!”
It’s a classic parenting line. However, it often leaves kids feeling frustrated and confused.
While we don’t owe long explanations, a little context goes a long way. Kids thrive on understanding the “why” behind decisions, even if the explanation is simple.
When you don’t explain the why behind your request, tt shuts down communication and can make kids feel resentful or rebellious.
How to approach this instead?
- Provide a short explanation: “We can’t go outside now because it’s raining, but we’ll play after it stops.”
- Encourage questions: “I know you’re curious. Do you want to know why I decided this?”
Here, you’re fostering trust and understanding while teaching your child to respect rules and reasoning.
7. “Leave me alone!”
We all need a break sometimes. We may be continuously running around for kids, home and work. Our emotional bucket may be in the verge of breaking.
The moment our kid does something off, that bucket might burst and pour on the little kid – mostly through the words, “Leave me alone!”
But saying this can make a child feel rejected or unloved, even if we don’t mean it that way.
It can affect their emotional security.
How to approach this instead?
- Set boundaries with reassurance: “I need a moment to calm down, but I will be right back to play with you.”
- Offer an alternative activity: “Why don’t you draw me a picture while I take a quick break?”
Of all the phrases, this is the phrase that comes to my mind very often and I have said many times as well. Slowly, I have practiced to communicate my emotions at that time in the exact words to my kid.
Surprisingly, of all the parenting techniques I try to use in real life, this “using exact words for the emotion” have worked (and still work) miracles in my life.
I tell her, “I feel so angry that I can’t eat food in peace, can you please let me calm down for a moment? We can talk about it in just 5 minutes.”
“I feel really sad and frustrated, I don’t know why. But I want to sit down in silence for a moment?”
This way, you communicate your need for space without making your child feel unwanted, preserving their sense of connection and security.
Download The FREE Poster – 7 things not to say to a child
Words have a powerful impact on how our children perceive themselves and the world around them.

If you’re looking for a quick and easy reminder of phrases to avoid and their positive alternatives, this printable poster is just what you need!
Hang it on your fridge, in your workspace, or anywhere you’ll see it daily to stay mindful of your words and foster better communication with your child.
Small Changes, Big Impact
The way we talk to our kids shapes how they see themselves and the world. When we replace these common phrases with more thoughtful alternatives, we can create a positive, nurturing environment for our children to thrive.
Does this mean we’ll always get it right? Of course not.
Parenting is messy, and mistakes happen. What matters most is recognizing those moments and making an effort to do better next time.
To sum it up,
Every parent has said things they wish they hadn’t. I definitely have. It is just part of the journey.
But by being intentional with our words, we can foster deeper connections and help our kids grow into confident, emotionally healthy individuals.
Remember, you’re doing an incredible job. One thoughtful phrase at a time.