10 Common Parenting Habits That Can Feel Like Bullying to Kids

Parenting is a journey filled with love, concern, and hope for our children’s future.
However, some everyday habits, even those we think of as minor, can unintentionally make kids feel belittled or bullied.
We might be trying to get a point across or correct behavior quickly, but to a child, certain tones or actions can feel disproportionately harsh.
Here’s a deeper look at ten such habits, along with more supportive alternatives and methods.
1. Yelling or Shouting Over Small Mistakes
For us stress, exhaustion, and the pressure to keep the household running smoothly can make shouting seem like the quickest way to get a child’s attention.
We may believe a loud voice conveys seriousness or urgency. Overreacting isn’t the solution.
Children often interpret shouting as a personal attack rather than a critique of their behavior.
A minor mishap, like spilling juice or tracking dirt into the house, can suddenly feel like a catastrophic failure in their eyes if met with loud anger. Over time, persistent yelling can foster anxiety and reduce a child’s willingness to explore, experiment, or take healthy risks.
Related: Stop overreacting to your child’s mistakes – 5 Reasons why
What We Can Do Instead?
“Pause and Breathe” Technique can be a great option
- Pause: When a frustrating incident occurs, take a brief moment—count to five or take two slow, deep breaths—to regain composure.
- Explain Calmly: Instead of shouting, say, “Mistakes happen. Let’s see how we can fix this together.” This approach lets children know accidents aren’t the end of the world and that we can work as a team to solve problems.
- Long-Term Benefit: Consistently responding calmly teaches children they are allowed to err and can learn from mistakes, which encourages resilience and creativity.
2. Constant Criticism
Continual remarks like “You never do this right” or “Can’t you ever keep your room clean?” can weigh heavily on a child’s sense of worth.
Sometimes we think we are offering “tough love” or guiding our child to do better. We might focus on what’s wrong to correct it quickly, believing this will encourage improvement.
Over time, they might internalize these criticisms, believing they’re incapable or inherently “messy” or “unreliable.” This negative self-perception can affect everything from academic performance to social interactions.
What We Can Do Instead?
Positive Discipline
- Focus on Effort: Spotlight what they tried to do well. “I see you spent time organizing your toys; maybe we can find a better spot for those books next?” acknowledges their hard work before gently guiding them to improve.
- Use Constructive Language: Replace “You never do it right” with “Let’s do this together and see how we can make it easier.”
- Long-Term Benefit: Children who experience balanced feedback are more motivated to keep learning and improving. They also feel safer asking for help because they trust they won’t be harshly judged.
3. Usage of Comparisons to Motivate
When a child hears “Why can’t you be more like your cousin or classmate?” they may feel inferior or inadequate.
We may believe comparing them to a higher-achieving sibling or peer can ignite motivation. After all, seeing someone else’s success might look like a roadmap for our child to follow.
In reality, comparisons can spark sibling rivalries or lead to envy toward peers. The child might also grow to resent both the comparison target and the parent making the comparison.
What We Can Do Instead?
Personal Goal-Setting
- Highlight Individual Strengths: Recognize what makes your child unique. It can be anything like creativity, empathy, or persistence. Know that and praise that.
- Set Tailored Objectives: Work with them to set realistic, personal goals (“Let’s aim to read for 10 minutes more each day”). This makes progress feel personal and keeps the focus on their own growth.
- Long-Term Benefit: Celebrating individuality encourages kids to find their own path rather than constantly measuring themselves against others, building self-confidence and self-awareness.

4. Sarcastic Remarks
Sarcasm can feel playful to adults but is often lost on children.
Statements like “Nice job cleaning up…not!” or “Oh, fantastic, you spilled your juice again!” might be intended as humor, but children typically hear criticism and mockery.
This can erode trust and make them feel ridiculed. It is definitely not good on kids.
Related: Why using sarcasm to mock your kids is not good.
What We Can Do Instead?
Direct, Supportive Language
- Keep It Clear: A direct, neutral statement like, “Let’s wipe this up carefully,” removes the sting of sarcasm.
- Encourage Problem-Solving: Instead of shaming them, ask, “How can we prevent spills next time?”
- Long-Term Benefit: When children know they won’t be teased for mishaps, they’re more likely to approach parents for help or share their concerns, strengthening the parent-child bond.
5. Punishment Without Explanation
In the heat of the moment, it might feel quicker and easier to impose consequences (“You’re grounded!”) without discussing the reasons. Parents may assume children already know what they did wrong.
Sudden punishments like taking away screen time or grounding them out of the blue leave kids confused and resentful.
If they don’t know why they’re being disciplined, they can’t connect the consequences to their actions, making the punishment seem arbitrary or unfair.
What We Can Do Instead?
“I-Messages” and Clarity
- State the Reason: “You lost screen time because you ignored our agreement about finishing homework first.” Simple cause-and-effect statements help kids understand the logic behind the consequence.
- Use “I-Messages”: Express how their behavior affects you: “I feel disappointed when homework isn’t done because it’s important for your learning.”
- Long-Term Benefit: Clear communication about cause and effect builds a sense of responsibility and fairness. Children learn to connect actions with outcomes, which is vital for real-world problem-solving.
6. Ignore or Dismiss Their Feelings
Comments like “Stop crying, you’re being dramatic” or “It’s not a big deal” can invalidate a child’s emotions.
Busy schedules or a belief that a child is overreacting can make it tempting to say those words. We might hope to quickly quell their emotional outburst and move on.
But, the children may start to suppress their feelings, fearing they won’t be taken seriously or might be mocked.
What We Can Do Instead?
Emotion Coaching
- Acknowledge First: “I see you’re upset. Do you want to tell me more about what happened?” signals that you take their feelings seriously.
- Help Them Process: Identify emotions together—“Are you feeling sad, angry, or scared?” This builds emotional intelligence.
- Long-Term Benefit: By validating emotions, we nurture a secure attachment. Children feel safe expressing how they feel and learn healthy ways to cope with difficult emotions.
Related: 10 Simple Ways to Teach Empathy to Young Children
7. Micromanage Every Decision
Telling children exactly what to eat, wear, and how to spend their time can feel stifling. We may actually be doing it unknowingly.
They may sense a lack of trust in their abilities and struggle to develop independence. This can also lead to power struggles or rebellion as they grow older.
What We Can Do Instead?
Guided Choices
- Offer Limited Options: “Would you like cereal or toast for breakfast?” helps them feel empowered while still fitting within acceptable parameters.
- Encourage Exploration: If they want to try a new hobby, support them. Even if they fail, the experience fosters resilience and self-discovery.
- Long-Term Benefit: Allowing children to make age-appropriate decisions teaches them accountability and builds confidence in their own judgment.
Related: Signs you are micromanaging your child (+how to stop it)
8. Embarrassing Them Publicly
Correcting or scolding a child in front of others can be deeply humiliating.
Most of the times we’re so caught up in correcting behavior immediately that we don’t think about the setting. We might believe calling out a child’s mistake in front of others teaches accountability.
But, it doesn’t just address the immediate issue, it also broadcasts it to an audience, amplifying shame. Over time, children may develop resentment or become overly anxious in social settings.
What We Can Do Instead?
Private Conversations
- Address Issues One-on-One: Pull the child aside and calmly discuss what happened.
- Show Respect: This approach respects their dignity and often leads to a more open, honest conversation.
- Long-Term Benefit: A child who feels respected even during discipline is more likely to respect parental authority and communicate openly about problems in the future.
9. Overuse of “Because I Said So”
Parenting is exhausting, and constantly explaining ourselves can feel like an extra burden. “Because I said so” is a quick way to end the conversation.
While sometimes tempting, it really can shut down a child’s natural curiosity and critical thinking. It sends the message that their questions or opinions are unimportant, which can stifle healthy parent-child communication.
What We Can Do Instead?
Simple Explanations
- Offer a Reason: “We can’t go to the park now because it’s getting late and I want to keep you safe.”
- Encourage Dialogue: Invite them to ask follow-up questions. A short conversation can turn a demand into an educational moment.
- Long-Term Benefit: Explaining the “why” fosters a sense of fairness and encourages kids to develop their own logical reasoning skills.
10. Focusing Only on Their Mistakes
We want our children to improve, and we may believe pointing out errors is the best way to ensure they don’t repeat them. Sometimes, we forget to acknowledge the positives in our rush to correct.
Constantly pointing out flaws, without acknowledging achievements, can make a child feel like they’re perpetually failing.
This negativity bias may lead them to fear trying new things or taking on challenges, worried they’ll only be criticized again.
What We Can Do Instead?
Balanced Feedback
- Sandwich Method: Offer praise, then a gentle critique, and end with another supportive comment. For example, “I love how you tried a new approach with your artwork. Maybe we can work on blending colors more. Keep up that awesome creativity!”
- Notice the Good: Even if the final result isn’t perfect, highlight small wins like perseverance or creative thinking.
- Long-Term Benefit: A balanced approach encourages kids to see mistakes as opportunities to learn rather than proof of incompetence, building self-confidence and a growth mindset.
Why These Habits Matter?
Children are incredibly perceptive.
What we may shrug off as “just words” or “harmless tactics” can deeply influence how they see themselves and the world. Small, recurring moments of these “small” negativity can create emotional scars or, even worse, form the bedrock of trust and self-worth, depending on how we handle them.
Try to Build a Healthier Parent-Child Relationship
- Model Positive Behavior: Children often mirror how we treat others. Respectful and considerate communication is contagious.
- Practice Active Listening: Paying genuine attention when kids speak reassures them that their voice matters. Methods like Reflective Listening help validate their feelings.
- Celebrate Small Wins: Recognizing everyday achievements, like completing a puzzle or helping set the table, boosts self-confidence and encourages more positive behavior.
- Apologize When Necessary: Owning up to mistakes—like yelling or an unfair punishment—teaches children about empathy, accountability, and the importance of making amends.
- Stay Patient and Consistent: Change takes time. Consistent, loving guidance helps children feel secure and reinforces that you’re always in their corner.
Final Thoughts
Parenting involves constant adaptation, reflection, and growth. While it’s natural to feel overwhelmed at times, being mindful of how everyday actions and words affect our kids can make a world of difference.
It’s never too late to make positive changes; even small shifts in approach can have a lasting impact on a child’s sense of safety and self-worth.